WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
