i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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