We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
