you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
