I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My bed smells like the plague
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
