So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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