I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
