im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
