He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
