No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
