Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
