The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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