there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think a kid would responsible me up
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
