I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
