She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
