i wish starbucks made bloody marys
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
