I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pants are for mortals
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
