I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
