You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
