HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
