umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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