And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
