I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
