I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
