Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
