Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
