I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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