Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
