Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Even my vagina gasped.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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