You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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