1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
