new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
