FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Im part way to drunk.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
