I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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