Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
