bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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