it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Randomize
