i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
