yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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