is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
