Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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