I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
