Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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