Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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