I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
