i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
