I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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