Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
