She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
