Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
