I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
