I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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