does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
