My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My dick has a subreddit
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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