Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
