weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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