I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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