Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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